Break Free from These 6 Types of Negative Self-Talk
Tired of negative self-talk? Identify 6 types of negative self-talk and explore practical steps to silence inner criticism and unleash a more positive, empowered you.
Ever find yourself in a spiral of self-doubt? Whether it’s about what to wear, how to navigate being in a new culture, or where to travel to next, self-doubt happens to us all.
A few days ago, I wrote that I’d be focusing on the topic of mindset for the entire month because I’ve been a victim of negative self-talk for decades.
The perfectionist, impostor, comparer, catastrophizer, mind reader, self-critic - all of these inner mean girls - would present themselves at times when I was ready to do something significant.
Once I started transforming my mindset, I began to see an incredible difference in my life and that’s what I want to share with you.
Once I changed my words - what I said to myself (self-talk) - my world began to change, too.
The Power of Our Inner Voice
As we navigate through different cultures and experiences, our inner dialogue shapes our perceptions and reactions. The way you talk to yourself can make or break your experience.
There’s been some debate about how many thoughts we have per day. The earliest and most cited study is from 2005 and reports that we have between 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day.
Regardless of the exact number of thoughts we have today, the majority of all studies report that between %70 to %80 of those thoughts… (drumroll, please)
Are negative.
Keeping in line with the 2005 study, that's an outrageous 40,000 to 56,000 negative thoughts daily!
Now, as a professor, consultant, executive, or explorer constantly pushing boundaries, imagine how this affects your work and travel experiences.
What is Negative Self-Talk?
Whether you call yourself names, or talk yourself out of trying something new, negative self-talk is that inner voice – that inner critic – that limits your ability to believe in yourself, your abilities and your potential.
Negative self-talk tries to hold you back.
It's the voice that whispers doubts when you're about to present your research at an international conference or hesitates when you're considering a solo trip to a new country. This internal dialogue can limit your belief in yourself, your abilities, and your potential to connect across cultures.
Studies show that our thoughts have both psychological and physical effects. Some effects of negative self-talk are psychological while others are physical.
Psychologically, negative self-talk can cause fear, anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, regret, depression, hopelessness and most commonly, stress. It can trigger anxiety about upcoming business trips or shame about past cultural faux pas.
Physically, negative self-talk causes your muscles to weaken, bodily reactions to increased stress levels, gastrointestinal and digestive problems, headaches and more.
However, when we experience positive self-talk, we flood our brains with endorphins that help us to relax and become more alert and focused on what’s important.
Not to mention, we also experience positive psychological effects such as being more optimistic, motivated to achieve goals and confident in expected outcomes. It's like having your own personal cheerleader as you navigate unfamiliar territories, both professionally and geographically.
The 6 Types of Negative Self-Talk
Let's consider the six types of negative self-talk and how they might show up in your life:
1. Filtering (Focusing on the Negative)
Imagine you've just delivered a keynote speech at an international conference. Instead of celebrating your success, you fixate on the one question you stumbled over, ignoring the standing ovation and networking opportunities that followed.
2. Always or Never Inner Dialogue
This might sound like, "I'll never be fluent in Mandarin," or "I always mess up cultural etiquette." These absolute statements ignore the progress you've made and the countless successful interactions you've had across cultures.
3. Personalizing (Guilt-tripping)
After a challenging negotiation with international partners, you blame yourself entirely for a less-than-ideal outcome, disregarding external factors or the complexity of cross-cultural communication.
4. Catastrophizing (Catastrophic Predicting)
You're planning a solo research trip to a country you've never visited. Instead of excitement, you find yourself imagining worst-case scenarios – getting lost, offending locals, or failing to gather meaningful data.
5. Polarizing
You view your experiences in black and white terms. If your volunteer project doesn't go perfectly, you label the entire trip a failure, overlooking the valuable lessons and connections you've made.
6. Mind Reading
During a multicultural team meeting, you convince yourself that your colleagues are judging your ideas negatively, even without any concrete evidence. This assumption can hinder open communication and collaboration.
When Negative Self-Talk Challenges Our Dreams
As a fellow traveler and cultural explorer, I want to share a personal goal with you.
Goal: 50x50
What is it? Well, I want to travel to/experience 50 countries by the age of 50.
It's an exciting target that keeps me motivated and curious about the world. But if I’m honest, sometimes I find my inner voice whispering doubts and obstacles, despite having already explored over 30 countries.
This is where negative self-talk can really impact our dreams and aspirations. My inner critic might say things like,
"You'll never have enough time or money to reach 50 countries," or
“What if it’s too dangerous to travel abroad with your babies?”
It's easy to get caught up in these thoughts, allowing them to overshadow the excitement and possibility of the goal.
But here's the thing: this goal isn't just about ticking countries off a list.
It's about the rich experiences, the personal growth, and the global perspective I gain with each new stamp in my passport.
When I catch myself in these negative thought patterns, I remind myself of the incredible journeys I've already had and the resilience I've developed along the way. Not only that, but the idea of traveling with my husband and children shows the progressive track of my life.
The transition from solo female traveler to family travel? 🥹 #Goals
Your goals might be different – maybe it's leading a multinational team, conducting research across diverse cultures, or making a global impact in your field. Whatever your aspirations, it's important to recognize when negative self-talk is holding you back and learn how to counter it effectively.
Breaking the Cycle
Your experiences across different cultures have already shown you the power of perspective. Now, it's time to apply that same open-mindedness to your inner dialogue.
Here are some strategies to start shifting your self-talk:
1. Practice Cultural Self-Awareness: Just as you observe and adapt to different cultural norms, start observing your thought patterns. What triggers negative self-talk in professional or travel settings?
2. Challenge Your Assumptions: When you catch yourself mind-reading or catastrophizing, pause and ask, "Is this really true? What evidence do I have?" Your analytical skills are an asset here.
3. Embrace the Growth Mindset: Every cultural misunderstanding or professional setback is an opportunity to learn and grow. Frame challenges as exciting chances to expand your skills and understanding.
4. Create a Positive Mantra: Develop a phrase that resonates with your values and goals. Maybe it's "I am adaptable and capable in any environment" or "Every interaction is a chance to learn and connect."
5. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge your daily victories, whether it's successfully navigating public transport in a new city or receiving positive feedback on a cross-cultural project.
6. Connect with Like-Minded Individuals: Share your experiences with fellow global professionals. Sometimes, hearing others' stories can help put your own challenges into perspective.
Remember, transforming your self-talk is a journey, much like your travels and career path. It takes time, patience, and practice. But as someone who values personal growth and cultural understanding, you're already equipped with the curiosity and resilience needed to make this change.
As you continue to explore the world, lead teams, and push the boundaries of your research or consultancy, let your inner dialogue be a source of encouragement and wisdom.
Your unique perspective as a global citizen is invaluable – it's time your self-talk reflected that truth.
What's one type of negative self-talk you've noticed in your professional life or travel experiences?
Share in my chat thread and let's start a conversation about how we can support each other in cultivating more positive, culturally intelligent inner dialogues.
So, what's your next big move? 😏
That research grant in New Zealand? Finally mastering conversational Spanish? Remember, challenging these thoughts takes practice.
Next time you're planning a solo adventure or considering a bold career move, pay attention to your inner dialogue. Is it holding you back or propelling you forward?
Whatever it is, I believe in you. 💕 Now it's time for you to believe in yourself, too.
Dr. CK 💋